Do you know who the Patriots are going to draft on Thursday night?

This isn’t rhetorical – I have no idea, and I’d legitimately like to know now so we can just stop pretending every mock draft between now and then reveals some new, unforeseen information that changes EVERYTHING. To be honest, it probably wouldn’t hurt them to just tell everyone now and save us all a Thursday night.

Until they do, however, we’re just going to have to keep guessing. (Though I’m sure we could also do literally anything else, but sadly that’s now how Draft SZN works.)

Of course, The Athletic wasted no time doing just that, releasing another 7-round mock on Wednesday, courtesy of draft guru Dane Brugler.

I’ll cut to the chase: the guy he has the Patriots taking with the 4th overall pick is so hilariously on-brand for both the Patriots and Mike Vrabel, in both good ways and bad.

Will Campbell just feels like an appropriate first draft pick for the Pats’ Mike Vrabel era

The Athletic’s pick: Will Campbell, OT, LSU

“Should the Patriots consider Ashton Jeanty? Of course — he is arguably the best player available here. But Campbell also would be in the best available conversation at this point, plus he plays a position that’s a major need for New England. The Pats nab the best offensive lineman in the draft.”

I feel like Brugler kinda says the quiet part out loud here in the first sentence – if Jeanty’s available to the Pats at 4, it’d be kinda silly not to take him, especially after hearing Vrabel explain that he’s more of a best-player-available guy than a positional need guy. So that’d be a slam dunk! Easy work for the Patriots.

And yet, sigh, that’s not what happens. In Brugler’s world, Vrabel decides to go with Campbell, who’d certainly help but isn’t anywhere close to the type of prospect that Jeanty is.

It’s also so painfully Patriots – and painfully Vrabel-esque – to instead choose a tough-talking, under-valued Football Guy instead. No one really knows what position he’ll play at in the NFL, but he makes a good sales pitch! (Admittedly, this probably isn’t totally fair to Campbell, who’s a great player.)

Luckily, it’s hard (in theory) to really go wrong at #4. It also helps that the Patriots need help literally everywhere. But maybe the mental gymnastics needed to rationalize leaving Jeanty on the board aren’t actually that worth it? I dunno.